I’ve been back from my trip for many months now and honestly, I am still taking in my 7-week trip to the Philippines. I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to fully integrate it all. I’m not sure I will and I’m not sure where to start but it was everything I expected and much, much more.

What I expected:

Through the generous support from the Canada Council for the Arts, I was able to travel and connect with manong BJ (@orientalweaves.ph) and two weavers from Paoay. I was also able to connect with a weaver from Bangar, my grandmother’s hometown. Meeting these weavers, observing how they work, seeing their environment and a glimpse of how they live was such a special opportunity. I am so grateful for their generosity, openness and for allowing me into their worlds.

In addition to my research, before my trip, I had applied and been selected to be an Arist in Residence for the Balay Da Judge Artist Residency in San Fernando City, La Union, Philippines. This was my first ever residency. It was extra special because SFC is my parents hometown and where both my maternal and paternal grandparents lived. My mom also worked at the library in the 80s when it was a maternity clinic. Wild full circle moment!

What I didn’t expect:

I didn’t expect the weaver and loom carpenter I met in Bangar to share the same last name as my great grandmother before she got married. Family ties on that side of the family have frayed for decades…but because of the weaving story and Bangar being a small town, there’s a chance we are related. I guess we’ll find out more in the future.

I didn’t expect to learn certain realities weavers face back home. I expected the average daily wage to be low but not that low. From what I understand, every weaver’s salary can vary but I’ve learned some weavers get paid as low as 3000-4000 php per month! That’s the equivalent of approximately $75-100 cad.

I didn’t expect weaving centres, ran by Filipinos, to continue the pattern of exploitation with their weavers. I think seeing this as the weavers’ reality broke my heart the most. Filipinos exploiting Filipinos. I expected that from Americans, from foreigners. But to be exploited by your own people? From the people that keep your business going? Yeah, yeah, business is a business. But I am not down for these shady, heartless, shameful ways of moving. At the same time, I can see how hundreds of years of colonialism, occupation and imperialism have deeply affected us and how those patterns continue on.

I didn’t expect to learn that weavers don’t necessarily own the looms in their homes. At first, I assumed that if you had one in your home, it was yours. But that’s not true. Yes, you can weave at your own time and in a way, be your own manager. But at the end of the day, you’re not the boss. You still have a quota to meet and you sell each piece you weave at a fraction of what the owner will resell your work at.

I didn’t expect to find a carpenter who could build me a loom. I didn’t expect to find cotton from the Ilocos Region (a majority of weavers use polyester from China). But I did and I was able to teach two weaving workshop at Tadiar Library as part of my artist residency.

I didn’t expect the reception of my weaving workshop to go that well. I assumed, “They don’t need this. They’re already here in the Motherland where they have access to all the weavers.” Nope, wrong. Several participants expressed they never thought they’d be able to experience an opportunity like this. It was heartbreaking to learn of the realities here. The reality is that weavers back home are too busy meeting the needs of commercialization, too busy to teach, too busy just trying to survive.

I didn’t expect that this yearning for learning traditional weaving ways is not just a thing people of the diaspora experience but it’s very much a thing people who’ve never left the Philippines experience also. How did we get to this point? How did we allow for any of this to happen? This loss, this forgetting of our traditional ways is bigger than I imagined. To learn, to remember is crucial. So important, more than ever.

Moving foward:

My heart is still feeling and processing it all. If I’m being honest, it’s still tender. Parts of it still remain back in the Philippines.

But my intention is this: To get clear and centred. To get focused. To set aside a percentage from each workshop to build. To find ways to support weavers back home in a real, life-changing way. To share and be a resource. To continue being on the ground teaching, learning. To advocate for better working conditions and better salaries for weavers.

What can we do to break these patterns of colonialism, exploitation and extraction in our homelands and within our communities? How can we truly build and give back to our communities?