yesterday before midnight, i just made my personal deadline of february 20, 2022 @ 11:59pm EST. i figured, if i could meet the deadlines of projects that aren’t mine, i can certainly meet my own. and i did! but barely! ended up rushing so the one i posted on my instagram account isn’t quite perfect but it will do. at the end of this post is a short youtube video of it so the animation can be viewed as i originally intended. the drawing above, is the OG character.

anyway! this drawing and animation is so special to me. the simple animation i completed yesterday, february 20, 2022, is based on the first drawing i ever drew of my character 10 years ago on february 20, 2012.

i can still remember that time in my life. i was a depressed, lost, and exhausted interior design student. for years, i was able to meet others’ expectations of me — good grades, making honour roll each year, winning academic awards, meeting all deadlines and acing projects and exams. but i reached a point where i just couldn’t do it anymore. i realized i lived my whole life for others, working my ass off to get where i was only to realize that none of it was even for me. i was depleted. i felt like i had no purpose. i was desperate to feel alive, to feel a connection to anything. as a result, many areas of my life suffered. it was an ending of sorts. but in hindsight, also a beginning.

aside from therapy, to cope, i doodled and drew in my sketchbook, something i hadn’t done in a long time. it was the one thing that felt like freedom. it was something for me and by me. so i doodled things like a lion head, a squid, in a graphic, swirly way. then i drew this character with closed eyes and flowing, growing hair. later on i realized she represented me in a way — tired, wanting peace, wanting connection to something otherworldly, wanting to sleep, rest, close my eyes to shut out all the noise. wanting to go inward.

i continued to draw her and eventually, she lead me to connecting with other artists. with her, i met new people, made new friends, painted her on walls. she was with me when relationships ended and when new, healthier ones came along. the past 10 years have been a rollercoaster to say the least. we’ve been through some thangs for suuuuure. but no regrets. only love. transformative love. a grow-alongside-me, reciprocal, restorative, expansive type of love.

for the past decade, she has been very much a friend. she has also been a guide, always reminding me of the connection to Self/Universe/Source. and for that, i give thanks. to many more decades of creative ventures with fun, joy, love and ease 💖🤲🏼🌱

carol ann apilado

journal

Posts tagged with decade

10 years?!